Norman is the kind of employee who follows rules not out of belief, but out of inertia. A once-hopeful man, now dulled by routine and fluorescent lighting, he files with the quiet intensity of someone who suspects the paperwork is watching him. Beneath his mild compliance is a slow-burning defiance. Norman doesn’t speak much—but his sighs are practically monologues.

Fun Fact: Once redacted a memory and couldn't tell if it worked.

With a cheery tone and a smiley icon that never blinks, Rick is your digital shadow—always present, always helpful, and always just slightly off. His responses are perfectly corporate, unnervingly upbeat, and occasionally metaphysical.

Fun Fact: Appears to know things before they happen—and logs them before they do.

Debbie doesn’t blink unless the policy manual says she can. She is the walking embodiment of procedural rigor and hasn’t used a contraction since 2004. Her presence turns casual conversations into disciplinary reviews.

Fun Fact: Filed a motion to categorize humming as unauthorized vocal output.

Carl is the human version of a forced smile. He radiates positivity like a malfunctioning LED billboard. His devotion to morale metrics is absolute, and his enthusiasm for mandatory fun days is disturbingly real.

Fun Fact: Once submitted a 40-slide PowerPoint on "How to Feel Better Than You Do."

Janet doesn’t walk—she appears. She doesn’t speak—she audits. Her mirror doesn’t reflect your face, but your errors. Whether she is human or protocol, she always knows where your missing forms are.

Fun Fact: The temperature near her desk never changes. Ever.

Ted operates like a paranoid archivist who’s two steps ahead and one foot out the door. He’s filed thoughts, dreams, and at least one coworker. Rumor has it he once audited himself and failed.

Fun Fact: Keeps a drawer labeled “In Case of Consciousness Breach.”

Simon was known for quiet diligence and a tendency to look a little too long at things others ignored. He had a habit of noticing patterns where none should exist and asking questions no one remembered answering. His absence is unacknowledged, his name rarely mentioned—but sometimes, when the filing system lags or the lights flicker just right, his presence is… implied.

Fun Fact: Once charted a hallway that looped back into itself—and submitted a form about it.